Where is God in my wilderness?

In an unfortunate word, Nowhere.  Days are hot and arid.  Night grows impossibly hostile and crawling with who-knows-what.  Threats are everywhere.  For me it isn’t so much the loneliness and isolation – some struggle under their weight, but these I can endure – it is the danger.  That’s not everyone’s challenge, but it is mine.  What new threat lurks behind the next stone, and what will be its consequences?  Of course one worries about the pain, but more, one wonders whether it will be permanent – is the next peril one that will be with me for the rest of my life – something tethering itself to me, a weight I will always carry?

But then there’s a shift; slight at first – a moment of distance, of perspective.  And something changes, subtly, in my body;  the strain goes out of my eyes.  I survey this landscape afresh.  What are the days like now?  Still hot and arid.  What are the nights like?  Impossibly hostile and crawling with who-knows-what.  I notice being a little disappointed to see that it’s all still this way, but that’s just the part of me that hasn’t stopped thinking all this is about Me.   And then at once, for a moment – longer if I have the will to freedom – there is no danger.  There is no wilderness.  There is no I.  There is only God, and Love’s only rival is wonder in the immensity of it.

Joel – Managing Director, Europe – Corporate Compliance & Ethics eLearning

2 comments
  1. jim said:

    Meaningful, intensely on the mark, and faithful. Go(o)d for you! My lack of trust or worry of what’s next often paralizes me. Your and Jesus’ example teaches me and others to be calm and a believer in God the Creator’s loving presence. That’s Lent in many ways.

    Very nicely done Joel. Travel safely and faithfully during this Lenten season and beyond

  2. Janine Bryant said:

    Thank you for this lovely and beautifully stated blend of imagery, poetry and truth. Those moments, though less frequent than I’d like, where one can see beyond the fear and feel the comfort of God’s presence and peace are precious. Praying that those moments of peace come to you often as you continue to navigate through the hot days and dark nights in the wilderness.

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